so much new shit for yinz.

Civic Arena. You were a good ship. It was a good ride. But your time has come to an end. We can only hope that you get a proper burial and are put to rest by Jean-Claude Van Damme. The Consol Energy Center, to put it mildly, is FUCKING AWESOME. I nearly shit when I was there for the Rush concert.

Awesomeness aside, what kind of Yinzers would we be if we let Old Lady Mellon meet her fate without being properly memorialized? That's where @PensBoozeAnger on Twitter, known to lesser mortals as Matt, comes in. He's the brains behind the Facebook group Memorialize the Mellon, which is pretty much the greatest idea since disposable diapers and the Thighmaster. Etch that awesome old bitch's outline into the glass of the CEC...what is bad about this idea? It's already doomed to become a dust heap. We gotta remember her somehow. If you're not 9,000% behind this idea, you hate Jesus, America, and three-legged kittens.

In other news, the Pens have signed Ray Shero (aka God) to a five-year contract extension. Layman's terms: Pittsburgh hockey will assfuck the NHL into submission for a further five years.

Not much else to say. First preseason game against Fatty Osgood and company tomorrow night. Make me a milkshake, Malkin and slap me silly Sidney. Let's go Pens.

we're baaaaaaaaaaaack

THAT'S GODDAMN RIGHT, HOES.

At the end of last season, all signs pointed to the Pens Broads being dead in the water. Only one Broad remained. We got knocked out of the playoffs entirely too soon. Shit just wasn't going our way. Then, September hit.

Veteran Pens Broad Kat had a fire lit under her pierogi-eating Yinzer ass, and set out for fresh help. Along came Amanda! (@ww35mm on Twitter. FOLLOW HER OR YOU SUCK.) Now, the Pens Broads were no longer just a singular entity. We're ready to reclaim the internets in the name of Pittsburgh.

Look out, bitches.

Aftermath.

Today pretty much sucks. Hard. And I hate it. Obviously, I'm upset about the loss, about not making it to the conference finals, about it all. But what pains me the most is the fact that I'll never go to the Civic Arena again. Lady Mellon's last ride has ended.

And it breaks my fucking heart.

I have loved the Penguins and the Arena my whole life. The team and the Arena are iconic, timeless, and beautiful. They mean more to this damn city than I think any of us can ever begin to say. When the Pens almost moved to Kansas City, I was inconsolable. Pittsburgh without the Penguins? I couldn't begin to fathom it. Having to imagine Pittsburgh without Lady Mellon is just as bad a thought. Mario can't save us from that reality, though.

I hoped we would be able to give her a proper sendoff. The last game went nothing like I had in mind. How ironic...or fitting, that we lost our first game ever in the Arena to the Habs, and also lost our last to the same fucking team.

2010 was not our year. It was not destiny that the Cup would come to the team that deserves it most. I'll keep this short.

It's been a hell of a season, kids. To anyone out there who reads this blog, thank you. Thank you for putting up with our subpar writing, sporadic posting, lame photoshops, all of it. You crazy bastards are what makes this fun to do. Ain't nothing like being a hockey blogger.

On this day, the city of Pittsburgh raises its collective glass to you, noble Lady. We all love you.

Forever a Pens Broad. See you all in October.

-Kat

Pens lose.

Dear Les Habitants:

You tied a series, you didn't win the Stanley Cup. The exorbitant douchebaggery can end at any time now. Thank you.

Sincerely yours,

The world at large.

In other news, yes, we lost last night and yes, it sucked very hard and I was very mad. But, when I woke up this morning, I realized something:

We were tied with Ottawa at one point, and we still kicked their ass.

So to Pens Nation, I say unto you: Calmeth thee the fuck down. We got this.

Bandwagoners and bridge-jumpers committed mass suicide last night, blaming the loss on everyone from Fleury to Geno to Sid to Disco to the Tattoo Guy from the Sports Illustrated article. We lost a game, it isn't the end of the world, the Habs didn't go home with the Cup (although the smarmfest outside of Centre Bell would have indicated otherwise to their fans). They won on a lucky goal, plain and simple. And this is the point where we need to step back, take a deep breath, and thank the Hockey Gods Above for RoboStaal. This is why it's a best of seven series, kids. Teams win, teams lose, and let's face it: we can't win every game. But in the end, we're gonna crush skulls, score goals, and ruin Montreal's dream of winning the Cup for the first time since the Eisenhower administration.

Pens in 6. I'm betting my left titty on it.

Done, done, and we're on to the next one

Sweeeeeeeeeeet irony, eh Sens?

The Pens blew up the Ottawa Senators last night in a 4-3 overtime victory, with the GWG coming from Super Duper himself, Pascal Dupuis. Matt Cooke had 2 goals, and the badass Billy Guerin had one.

But we all know that.

I can't remember for the life of me a postseason series where there have been so many goals reviewed, overturned, or disallowed, not to mention the too many men penalties that are EVERYWHERE these days. I'm not sure what it is, but as long as those penalties aren't ours, I don't give a rat's ass. As for the disallowed/overturned goals, I'm pretty sure all the Sens fans need to STFU. Whining and crying about goals that were kicked in? Srsly? Is this the first time you guys have watched hockey? It ain't soccer. You ain't Pele. So sit your ass down.

Conversely, the refs made an absolutely horrible call last night, disallowing a goal that OBVIOUSLY went over the line. What were those guys in the situation room in Toronto watching, anyway? We all saw white behind the puck, so, erm...I'm pretty sure in Hockeyland, that = goal. But hey, it's a conspiracy, right? Looks like our check to Bettman cleared, if not a little late. Burn the secret papers and eat the radio, kids. They're coming for the plans.

Now, it's a waiting game for we of the Black and Gold persuasion as to who we'll be facing in round 2. The Bruins lead the series 3-2, and it is the opinion of this Pens Broad that the Bruins are who we will be facing.

Pfft. Kick that dirt off ya shouldaz.

Long story short, kids, Penguins hockey is do or die and I have the distinct feeling that once again, we're gonna take it to the river and party all summer.

Go Pens.

My head asplode.

I am so. So. SO TIRED. So VERY TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT BEN FUCKING ROETHLISBERGER. It's old news at this point, so for the love of the Baby Jesus himself, STFU. This is how bad it's gotten: on Tuesday night, I went down to the holy hockey shrine that is the Igloo to watch the Pens game. After we made the Sens butthurt, I found myself in a small crowd getting interviewed by one of the local news stations. The talking head, instead of asking us ANYTHING about the giant-ass win instead sticks her microphone in some dude's face and asks, "What do you think about the Ben Roethlisberger situation?" Some Dude just looked that bimbo dead in the eye and said "Really, lady?" At that point, I felt it would be a good idea to start yelling "Ottawa Sucks."

Because, you know, it does.

But seriously...is this all that the Pittsburgh media cares about? Our deviant quarterback? I don't even give a fuck anymore. I honestly never even really did. Hockey is where it's at, and hey, big shocker to the Pittsburgh media: THE PENGUINS ARE IN THE GODDAMN PLAYOFFS. A little coverage to the aforementioned badass hockey team would be greatly appreciated.

Peace out, kids. Game 5 tonight. DO IT.

Hocus Pocus we can all get behind.

So, Columbus, how're ya feeling today?



Pens defeat the Blue Jackets 4 to 3 in a nail-biting shootout victory. Sadly, I wound up missing all but 12 minutes of regulation, but by God, overtime and the shootout had me on my feet and screaming so loud I'm pretty sure I woke the fetus. Sid also became the first Penguin to convert five consecutive shootout attempts. This team just continues to amaze me more and more, and I do feel sorry for everyone who isn't a Pens fan. You just don't know what you're missing.

Oh, and I just want to ask what all the "With Geno hurt, we'll never win" naysayers think of the team today.

Tonight: Pens v. Wild. DO IT.